Perspective
by Halle Alexis
Summary: Leslie Shay knows almost everything about her best friend. Good, bad, and all the things in between, but what she doesn't know, is when the look in his eyes changed when he looks at her. She doesn't know how she missed that. And she most assuredly does not know when she started to look at him differently. Set about mid-season 2.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: I've been watching the first and second seasons of Chicago Fire over again and I miss Shay desperately, so I was playing around with what I thought would be a oneshot, but when I started writing I kept having ideas, so I thought I would see where it goes… I hope you guys are interested and I would love to hear what you think! Also, the first chapter is more of a blurb from the future and is shorter than I was expecting, but future chapters should be longer. This story is set in the second season after the blackout and Keeler drama, but since I prefer Dawson working with Shay as a paramedic I'm going to pretend Gabby never went to the fire academy for this story. Thanks! **

**Disclaimer: I, unfortunately, don't own anything, because if I did, things would be drastically different right now. **

Perspective

Leslie Shay knows almost everything about her best friend.

She knows how to read his body language when he's angry and barley hanging onto control. She knows how his grin goes just a little crooked when he's excited, when he's happy. She knows when he's pulling away, even if she isn't always sure why, and when he needs to pull closer, to her, to their 51 family, to reality.

She knows little, everyday things like his favorite type of movie, and that beer and sharing her ice cream can persuade him to let her choose what they watch, though they usually pick the same things anyway. She knows his favorite comfort food, which she'd had to beg him to teach her to make.

She also knows the things you can only learn from living with someone, no matter how close you are otherwise. Like how he doesn't mind to cook, but finds grocery shopping for much more than the basics tedious. And even though he never wears them, he always has flannel shirts in his room for her to wear when hers are dirty.

She knows he secretly eats her yogurt and they both know she lets him get away with it. She knows he doesn't really mind the music she sometimes blasts throughout the apartment, even though he complains about it.

She knows how angry he still sometimes gets at his father, no matter how he tries to patch the tears in their long damaged relationship, for leaving him, for leaving the families he'd had afterward, for never quite being what Kelly hopes for him to be. She knows the hurt that lies beneath the anger. She knows how totally adoring he is of his new little sister and she hopes Katie knows how lucky she is to have him. She knows he loves his mother, though they aren't as close as he'd like them to be. She knows he loves kids and someday he wants a house full of them and she knows he's going to be an amazing father, so much better than his ever was.

She knows that he's a good man, strong and honorable and caring. He would walk through fire, and does, for complete strangers and he'd go to hell and back for the people he cares about. When he loves someone, he does it wholeheartedly; and when his heart is broken, it shatters. And when one of them is broken, they always help put each other back together. Lord knows they've had enough practice at that since they met, especially in the last couple of years.

She knows that he hates to see a woman cry, and she is no exception to the rule, but he never walks away when tears stream silently over her face or she gives in to sobs. She knows he's overprotective, and not just of her, but he never makes her feel smothered or incapable of taking care of herself. She knows he supports her unconditionally, even when she isn't making the best decisions, because he wants her to be happy. She knows he's as much her anchor as she is his and she doesn't know what she would do without him.

He's been her best friend, her family, almost from the day they met; she loves him. Shay has never questioned that he loves her, too.

She knows all these things and more about Kelly Severide.

What she doesn't know, is when the look in his eyes changed when he looks at her. She doesn't know how she missed that. Or if maybe it's always been there and she just never noticed it before.

She doesn't know those things. And she most assuredly does not know when _she_ started to look at _him _differently. They'd promised to always be there for each other a long time ago, but this was never a part of the plan…

All Shay knows is that everything has changed and she's pretty sure that it started with a broken spirit and a _lot _of alcohol.

**Next time we go back to the beginning… Please review! Thanks! **


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Thank you all so much for reading and reviewing! I love your response to this story so far and I can only hope it will continue. This chapter we go back to the beginning of the story, whereas the first chapter took place in the future of it, so I hope you'll like it. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything :( **

Perspective

Chapter 2

"You've got to be kidding!" Shay mutters, shaking her head in disbelief as she reads the text message she's just received over again.

"What?" Severide looks at her over the paper in his hand, eyes jumping to the phone in her own before settling back on her face.

They had been sitting mostly in silence in his quarters for the past couple of hours of their shift with no calls having come in, but neither of them tired enough to warrant attempts at sleeping, regardless of it being past midnight. He knew she had been going back and forth between her book and her phone, but hadn't realized she'd been conversing with anyone.

"Jen just broke up with me." She sighs, tossing the phone onto the bed beside her. Severide racks his brain, but only comes up with a vague image of a girl he thinks Shay had pointed out to him in Molly's a few weeks before.

"The redhead?" He questions, not realizing they were an actual thing that would require a breakup.

She slants her eyes toward him, tilting her head slightly. "Blonde." She corrects.

"Oh," He nods. "What happened to the redhead?" He asks, though he thinks he already knows.

"I only went out with Sherri twice. I met Jen at the gym right after." She explains, turning so her back is resting against the wall and she's facing him completely.

"Uh, okay, maybe you should give this whole speed dating thing a rest for a while." He tries to laugh so that it comes off jokingly, but the truth is that he's starting to notice a pattern of serial dating lately where his friend is concerned.

"I am not speed dating!" Shay insists indignantly. "I've just been trying to get back out there is all; I haven't exactly been having a lot of luck in the relationship department lately, so I'm trying to fix that." She says the last part a little downheartedly and it makes Kelly realize he might have been overlooking the bigger picture here. He knows she's been feeling her single status more acutely with Casey and Dawson looking at houses, Otis and Katie back together (albeit long distance), and Clark getting chummy with a pretty little blonde of his own.

"Yeah, okay. Just don't forget that there's no rush, alright?" He tells her, tapping her knee with the newspaper still in his hands, hoping she's been reminded that it's okay to be uninvolved. He's been that way a while now himself, between worrying about Shay's downward spiral after Darryl's suicide, his sister's assault, and the more recently resolved issues surrounding Keeler.

"I know. Sometimes it just sucks being alone." She nods solemnly, thinking about how much she'd wanted to have someone in her life and build a family of her own in the past year or so.

Clarice had made her realize that very clearly and she'd thought she was at least getting part of what she wanted before Renee Royce had shown up and messed with her plans to have a baby, stomping on the part of her that had already latched onto the nonexistent child she saw in her future. And then Darryl had shot himself and everything had seemed to go to hell. She just wanted to get back on track now that things were beginning to settle down again.

Except the dates she was going on never seemed to lead anywhere serious and someone who wasn't even officially her girlfriend had just told her she didn't think they should see each other anymore.

"I know." Kelly nods, reaching out for her and pulling her around so that he can wrap his arm around her and her head is resting against his shoulder. "I'm sorry about Jen. She sucks."

It very nearly makes Shay snort considering he didn't even know there was a Jen and that they'd known each other less than a month, but she appreciates the sentiment all the same so she merely lets her mouth quirk at the thought.

"Thanks." She says instead, and closes her eyes knowing that regardless of how dejected she feels, at the very least she'll always have him to come to at the end of the day. And how lucky is she, to be able to say that?

They wake a few hours later in the same position they fell asleep in, jolted from unconsciousness by the alarm in a habit so ingrained in the both of them that they barely register the sound before they're scrambling into the hallway outside. They meet Casey and Dawson there, the two of them coming from the other Lieutenant's quarters, and the four of them move quickly in tandem toward the trucks.

The house fire they respond to burns hot and fast and appears to have started from a smoldering fireplace, but thankfully causes no injuries to civilians or firefighters in the cold Chicago night. It does, however, keep them busy until almost the end of their shift and the sky has lightened when the trucks and ambulance return to the station hours later.

The drive back to the station is occupied by girl talk as Shay fills Gabby in on the details of her recent breakup and Dawson is equal parts sympathetic to Shay's relationship troubles as well as indignant of the fact that her friend was basically dumped in a text message.

"Some people really suck." Gabby tells her when Shay has finished telling her how Jen had abruptly ended things the night before when she had texted her to talk about their upcoming date.

"Yeah, that's what Kelly said, too." Shay agrees as she parks the ambulance. "But I'm not even that upset about her specifically, you know? Like, sure I'm bummed about it, but I feel like I'm in a slump and I just can't seem to get out of it." She continues, knowing Dawson probably understands what she's getting at better than Severide would.

"Hey, what do you always tell me? Only way to get out of a slump is to get back out there, right?" Gabby encourages as they make their way inside and head for the coffee pot.

Shay shrugs, but smiles when she does it and pours a cup for herself. "Yeah, but that hasn't been working out so well for me." She counters.

"Okay," Gabby laughs. "You know what you need? You need to relax." Shay rolls her eyes in response, but Gabby continues anyway.

"The boys are going out tonight, so you and I will go somewhere and get you drunk enough that you forget Jen. And if you meet someone then that's great and if you don't then we'll have fun anyway, alright?" She explains, hoping to lift her friend's spirits.

"Okay." Shay is hesitant as she nods in agreement.

"Yeah?" Dawson asks, questioning.

"Yes," Shay laughs, more enthusiastic this time. "Sure, sounds good."

"Good." Dawson smiles back, lifting her coffee to her lips.

It makes Shay shake her head, but she's glad they're making plans for tonight since she will no longer be going on a date as planned and she really doesn't want to sit at home alone while Otis is out of town visiting Katie and Kelly is out with Casey, Capp, Clarke, Mills, Cruz, and whoever else from truck or squad who will decide to tag along.

She promises herself she won't think about being single or anything else that goes along with it tonight. Instead she'll take Dawson's advice to relax and just enjoy spending some much needed time out with her friend.

**Please review! Thanks! **


	3. Chapter 3

**Thanks so much to everyone who's reading and reviewing! And a special thanks to those that don't normally see Shay and Severide the way I'm portraying them here; I love them as best friends and as something more and I can't tell you how much it means to me that you're giving this story a chance. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognize from the show. **

Perspective

Chapter 3

Shay let excitement at the prospect of going out come through as she selected clothes for her night out and began getting ready. If nothing else, she and Gabby were remedying the fact that they had both been too busy to socialize much outside of work or Molly's lately. If they could pull off girl's night, they really should start thinking seriously about planning that girl's weekend they had been talking about.

She's thinking about the prospects of a hotel spa vs. a mountain retreat when she hears the knock on her cracked bedroom door from where she stands in the bathroom.

"Shay?" Severide calls out, though he's likely already stepped into her bedroom. "You decent?"

She doesn't know why he bothers to ask, except that the gentleman in him probably prevents him from not doing so, even after they've lived together for nearly five years and seen each other in various states of undress. Not that it matters at the moment, as she's wearing a t-shirt and lounge pants.

"Back here!" She answers from over the sink after spitting out the toothpaste in her mouth and then beginning to brush once more.

He appears in the mirror behind her, leaning against the doorjamb, and grins just a little at the toothpaste that has managed to smear itself across her bottom lip.

"You didn't answer me." He says, crossing his arms. The pose makes her want to roll her eyes.

"Kelly, please, I'm never decent." She quips sarcastically at his reflection and he smiles just a little wider in return.

"I just wanted to tell you I'm heading out if you don't need a ride." He tells her, though she told him earlier she and Dawson were meeting up later that night at some club. She spits again and begins to rinse out her toothbrush as she responds.

"Yeah, go ahead; I'm not meeting Dawson for a couple of hours." She nods, wiping her face.

"Alright, if you're sure." He pushes off from the doorway and moves forward to stand next to her.

"Yeah, I'm good." She assures him. She isn't using her fake smile when she says it, so Severide believes her earlier statement that she's excited to be going out and not thinking about Jen anymore.

"Okay, I'll see you later then." He nods. "Be safe." He continues, patting her arm once and pressing a quick kiss to her temple.

"Yeah. You, too." She tells him, leaning into the peck slightly in acknowledgement before he pulls away and leaves.

It was a good idea.

At least, Shay thinks, it _had_ been a good idea to make plans to go out with Gabby in order to take her mind off of things.

That is, until Cindy Herrmann and three of the Herrmann children had come down with a stomach bug and Herrmann had needed Dawson to cover what was supposed to be his night at Molly's.

Dawson had told Shay to come with her anyway. She had even asked her to help her man the bar that night if she didn't want to be there alone when Shay had declined the offer. Shay had still refused however, saying she would just hang out at home instead and they could make it up another time. They agreed vehemently on that.

Shay lasted all of an hour after getting off the phone with Gabby before she got bored with the quick dinner she had thrown together and the book she had been meaning to finish. She grabbed another beer from the fridge before settling in with her tablet and beginning to web surf. She checked her email, browsed the local news and Hollywood gossip sites, and as always, Pinterest occupied her time well.

She was just starting to feel pleasantly buzzed when she decided to watch a movie; she should've known better than to settle on a romantic comedy in the absence of anything else being on TV at the time though. She breaks out the ice cream and tequila before the first kissing scene and consumes enough of it that she doesn't care that she's a little weepy by the time the credits begin to roll. She'll definitely be blaming that on the alcohol.

The more she drinks though, the more she can't seem to stop thinking. She's alone on a Saturday night getting drunk and watching movies she doesn't even like. How perfect is that? She really hopes this is not the grand plan of her life, destined to be alone while her friends go on about their lives. Ugh, the thought makes her shake her head as she takes another gulp from her glass.

It's late when she hears noise outside the door, nearly midnight, and Shay gathers from the time it takes for the lock to turn that she's probably not the only one who's been drinking that night.

Severide comes through the door a bit disheveled and looking slightly rougher around the edges than he did when he left hours earlier. He's a bit surprised to find Shay on the couch looking much the same as she had in the bathroom earlier in comparison though; she's still wearing the same t-shirt and pants, her hair is still up in a messy bun, and she certainly doesn't look like she's been out clubbing. It takes him a minute to realize what is different about her appearance: she's holding a glass that appears to be filled with tequila, if the bottle next to her is any indication.

"Hi." She calls out, lifting her glass in his direction.

"Hey." He returns and notices that her eyes are a little glassy and her cheeks a little flushed as he moves closer and settles next to her on the couch, moving a little clumsily due to his own inebriation.

"Want some?" She asks, offering the bottle to him.

"Sure." He nods, taking it, noting that it seems a bit emptier than it should for just one person to have been drinking from it. "Been at it a while?" He asks, sloshing the liquid around before taking a drink from the bottle.

"Yeah." She sighs. "Dawson had to go to Molly's cause Herrmann couldn't, so I've just, been here." She explains, nodding.

"You should've called, we could've hung out." He tells her, taking another swig from the bottle.

"It's okay, you were doing your boy thing, and I was fine by myself." She says, motioning with her hands and continuing to sip from her glass. "How was your night?"

"You know, the usual, grabbed a bite, watched the game." He shrugs.

"No pretty girls to fall under your spell?" She grins, beginning to slur a bit. It makes him laugh, too.

"Nope, had to console myself with alcohol instead." He shakes his head and takes another long drink after she refills her glass to the halfway point.

"That's too bad. I wish I had pretty girls instead of tequila, or pretty girls and tequila…" Her face scrunches up as she considers it, pointing her finger in the air.

The look on her face makes him snort, "Tell me about it." He agrees and they both laugh at the thought.

"No, really," She begins, running a hand over her face and blowing back the stray strands of hair that have escaped her bun. "I just, I think I'm gonna end up alone cause I am _not_ doing something right." She waves her hand around in an I-don't-know fashion.

"What?" He shakes his head in disagreement. "Come on, you're beautiful, smart, you're a good person; you're gonna find someone." He nudges her with his elbow in encouragement.

"Thanks," She dips her head a bit in acknowledgement. "I'm just so tired of things not working out, you know? Like, seriously, I let Clarice break my heart _twice_, and Devon was -"

"A bad decision!" He interrupts quickly, thinking of the effect the woman had on his already vulnerable best friend.

"Yes! A bad decision!" She agrees. "And I am trying here, but I just don't know what else to do."

"Hey! You could always try out the other team…" He jokes, waggling his eyebrows. Shay rolls her eyes in response. "I'm just saying." He defends, raising his hands in the universal gesture of surrender.

"Guys just don't really do it for me, I guess." She shrugs her shoulders.

"How do you know? You try it before?" He asks, the alcohol making him brave. He's mostly just messing with her, though he is curious, and he hopes she knows him well enough that she understands that. It isn't that he has a problem with her lesbianism, Lord knows; she's his best friend and he loves her unconditionally, but it's something he's wondered occasionally and never bothered to ask.

"Yes, actually." She blurts it out, liking the idea of surprising him, amused when he nearly chokes on the swallow he's just taken from the bottle. A combination of the alcohol coursing through her system and the look on his face making her giggle uncontrollably.

"Wait, what?" He questions in shock. He certainly wasn't expecting that.

"Well, I was always attracted to women, but I mean, of course I was curious, so I experimented a little in high school. Not a lot or anything, but there were a couple of guys and it just didn't really appeal." She explains as if it really wasn't a big deal, because in truth, it wasn't to her. She had messed around a little bit and found she liked women more. That had been the end of it.

"Yeah, maybe they just weren't the right guys." He tips his head at her playfully, raising an eyebrow before taking another drink of tequila.

"What, like you?" She laughs quickly, in the middle of turning away from him to abandon her empty glass on the table. But when she looks back at him, catches his eye, she thinks maybe she shouldn't have.

She'd meant it to be part of the joke. Really she had. Somehow she thinks it might've been a challenge instead. They've always been good at bantering with each other, always gotten each other so well, but suddenly it doesn't feel like they're just messing with each other anymore.

Suddenly they're looking at each other and it feels like something else entirely.

**Please review! It really makes my day to read them. Thanks! **


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks for all the reviews and the follows and favorites! **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognize. **

Perspective

Chapter 4

He knows her remark isn't said in seriousness. Logically, Kelly knows this. But in this state with his head foggy and his inhibitions lowered he's hearing the words and watching her laugh and he's not thinking about logic.

She's always had the prettiest smile when she laughs this way. It lights up her whole face. And when she turns to look at him he catches her eye and it feels like the space between them is too much and too little all at once.

"Shay," His voice is barely a whisper in the quiet of the apartment, but he doesn't quite know what it is he means to say.

His heart is pounding in his chest and the air around them feels heavy as he tries to remember why it would be a bad idea to do what he's thinking of doing. Why he should focus on something, anything, other than the scent of her, the warmth of her leg next to his, the curve of her lips.

"Kelly," She murmurs, unsure of the magnetic pull that's somehow strung itself between them. It's unfamiliar and unexpected, but she doesn't look away. Doesn't know how.

"Just let me…" And then he's shifting forward, bringing a hand up to brush fingers featherlight across her cheek and her eyes jump to his lips just for a second before they meet hers.

Shay leans into the kiss without consciously thinking to do so, responding without being aware of it. It's nothing like she would've imagined. Hot to be sure, but consuming in a way she wouldn't have thought possible. His lips are softer than she would have guessed, but the edge comes in the force he puts behind them, in the way he cradles her face as he searches her mouth and steals her breath. So sweet, so easy, and just a little bit rough. Just demanding enough to draw her in further. It's him. It's Kelly. It's the way he pours himself into it and makes her want nothing more than to be closer, closer, closer.

His breath is warm over her face as they part briefly for air, coming back together quickly and steeping themselves in each other. It's as if a dam has broken somewhere. Somehow they move so that Shay is sandwiched between the cushions of the couch and his body and it gives her a little jolt of surprise to feel the weight of him pressing down on her. It's a bit different; not what she's used to and not quite what she's expecting. But she's never felt anything but safe in his arms and finds this is no exception to the rule. He's warm and familiar and strong. He's her best friend. He feels like home.

He feels like home and when he's surrounding her like this she can't think about how lonely she's been or that they're both drunk or that this might change things between them. All Shay can think about is him and the way he's making her feel in this moment.

His heart is pounding and the blood is rushing in his ears and he doesn't know why they haven't done this before. One hand is tangled in her hair, the other hooked around her knee that's bent at his waist and trying to bring her impossibly closer. He wants her. Wants nothing more than to lose himself in the overwhelming feel, scent, and taste of her.

He's sucking gently at the space where her neck meets her shoulder when she groans his name, all breathy and soft and _Shay_. He doesn't want to stop. The last thing he wants is to stop, but then she's pulling at his shirt and she's his best friend and he has no idea how much experience she has with _this_ in particular.

"I don't want to hurt you." He manages to pull back enough to say, to gather at least that much presence of mind.

"You won't. You couldn't." She's shaking her head. She doesn't know why he would think that; she trusts him more than anyone; he couldn't hurt her.

And then she's pulling him back to her, drunk on the alcohol and her own jumbled feelings, and it isn't long before they forget everything but each other.

The first thing Shay is aware of the next morning is the pounding in her head. Even before her eyes try to open, she knows it's going to hurt when the light reaches them, and she slams them back shut a spit second after it does. The next thing that slowly becomes apparent is the weight at her waist and the warmth of something pressed along the length of her body. The warmth of _someone_ pressed along her _naked_ body. And it certainly doesn't feel like the someone is soft and slight and female.

This time when her eyes snap open she forces them to stay that way as she twists in an attempt to see who it is that's cuddling her like a teddy bear. The person groans a little as she wriggles and tries to pull her back closer as she finally turns her head enough to get a look at their face. And that's when the memories of the night before come rushing back.

Her scramble to push further away from Severide is reflexive, just as his unconscious movement to stop her is instinctive. It's likely the only thing that stops her from falling backward off the couch and crashing to the floor; however, the movement appears to jolt him awake as well.

"What's…" His vision is still a little blurred and his stomach a little queasy as his hand tightens over her hip. His question trails off though as it becomes very clear very quickly what's going on. Like Shay, his memory clears as he looks at her, takes in their position and the lack of clothing.

"I'm just going to, um, yeah." Shay mutters, taking advantage of his finally lax arms and reaching for the closest thing she can find, his discarded button down, to cover herself with.

He averts his eyes as she begins to fasten the buttons and stand, avoiding looking at him. Reminds himself that he isn't supposed to be looking at her naked, especially looking at her like this. Instead, he pulls the throw blanket that was draped over them tighter around his waist and sits up, not knowing what to say. She's standing in front of him, biting her lip, and pulling at the hem of the shirt in a way he's never seen before. She's fidgeting. Leslie Shay does not fidget in his presence, least of all because of what she is or isn't wearing. What had they done?

"Um, okay." He says, falling flat.

"Yeah." She nods, drawing out the word.

"I mean, are you, are you okay?" He's stumbling over his words awkwardly, in a way neither of them is accustomed to, but he feels like he should ask. He needs to know the answer, though he's afraid of what it might be, because even though he doesn't think he hurt her they were drunk and he can't possibly know for sure.

She doesn't know if he's asking if _they're_ okay or if _she's_ okay, but tries to answer in the affirmative for both. She just wants this conversation to be over with.

"Yeah, I'm good," she nods. "I mean, I'm good and we're good, right? So…" Is she rambling a little? It feels like maybe she's rambling.

"Yeah, we're good." He hopes they are anyway, because he just can't tell. "Uh, are you sure you're okay?" He continues.

"Yeah; I'm not a novice Kelly, I'm fine." She reassures, thinking she knows now what he's asking and hoping she isn't blushing. Sex with him wasn't exactly the norm for her, in more ways than one. It makes her blush just thinking about it.

"Right, okay. Is this going to be weird?" He finally asks. He doesn't know what he'll do if he's ruined the best relationship in his life.

"No! I mean, I don't want it to be weird." She shakes her head, motioning to herself.

"Neither do I." He agrees, nodding.

"Good. So, we'll just, we'll forget this happened; we'll chalk it up to being alone and drunk and getting our wires crossed." She suggests.

"Yeah," he agrees, thinking that has to be the explanation. "We were both pretty wasted and it just happened; it doesn't have to be a big deal."

"Exactly. We'll just go back to normal." Please let things go back to normal, she thinks.

"Back to normal. Yeah." His voice is steady as he says it and he tells himself that normal means not looking at the length of her legs left uncovered by his shirt and not thinking about why he'd never noticed how cute she was with her hair all mussed up this way.

"Okay. So, I'm just going to go, um, shower." She says, pointing toward the stairs.

"I'll put some coffee on." He offers to her retreating form. When she's out of sight though, he slumps back onto the couch, running a hand over his face. Kelly thinks briefly that he might need something stronger than coffee to get her out of his head.

She takes her time in the shower, letting the hot water wake her up and ease the ache that had settled in her muscles from spending the night on the couch. Probably not just from sleeping on the couch, she admits, thinking that part of the ache is more pleasant than it is uncomfortable.

No big deal, she tells herself. She could've figured he'd know what he was doing and good sex was always better than bad sex, right?

"Ugh." She shakes her head. Get a grip, girl. Thinking about it is _not_ forgetting it happened.

What was she going to do?

**Please review! I don't know if this is what you guys were expecting, but I felt like something big needed to happen to give them a nudge to looking at each other a little differently. It won't be a sudden change, but it'll start the process, so I hope you'll keep reading! **

**Thanks! **


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks for all the reviews and support guys! It means a lot to me. Sorry for the wait between chapters, but I hope you'll stick with me. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognize. **

Perspective

Chapter 5

The rest of the day _is_ weird, for the both of them, despite their agreement not to let it be.

They've never been shy around each other, but today Shay changes her outfit twice before leaving her room because she's worried her normal lounge wear isn't "appropriate." She wants to smack herself for it.

They've always been open with each other, but today Kelly has to stop and think before he speaks to her, when he does at all, because he has no idea what to say and he doesn't want it to come out wrong. He hates the awkwardness that's cropped up between them.

So, it is weird. In a way it's never been before; not when they first moved in together or when they were fighting or last night before they tilted the world on its axis.

They tell themselves they'll get over it. That things will go back to normal. They almost believe it, too, until something they see or do or say brings it all back to the forefront of their minds. They get through the day, though. And when Otis walks through the door later that night they put on the best act of the day in some silent agreement and focus on his trip and Katie and being _normal_. Whatever that means.

They don't bring up the night before or the tension between them and Otis lets them think he doesn't notice. Instead, he regales them with the four days he spent in Colorado, though not his first visit, and how Katie seems to be continuing to do well there and how she's even talking about looking into jobs elsewhere. Shay and Severide don't mention the spark of hope they see in his eyes when he says there are a few openings in Chicago he encouraged her to consider. It's easy to see he cares for her and wants her to come home and they both decide to feel her out on the subject the next time they talk to her.

Shay has a restless night and wakes later than she means to, finding only a note from Kelly when she comes downstairs informing her that he went for an early run before work. She frowns and wonders if he left early to avoid her. Then she decides she's reading too much into it and shakes her head in an attempt to stop. They have their own lives and they do their own things sometimes. Often, even. She orders herself to stop being weird. So what if they usually ride together? So what if he usually tells her to call if she wants him to pick her up when he goes out before shift?

Damn it, she bites her lip, she really needs to talk to Dawson about this.

Shay's voice is quiet when she approaches her friend at the coffee maker later that morning, but her eyes are shifty and Gabby takes notice of the strange behavior.

"I need to talk to you."

"Okay?" Gabby prompts, raising a brow.

"Not here." Shay says, nodding in the direction of the floor and beginning to walk that way, thankful that she's yet to run into Severide.

"What's up?" Dawson asks when they're out of sight of the rest of the crew and Shay has turned to face her, face straight, hands in her pockets.

"I did something." She says quietly, biting her lip.

"Okay… you want to tell me what? Cause you look like you got caught with your hand in the cookie jar." The brunette is confused, and very curious about whatever has her friend tied up in knots.

"I got really drunk Saturday night… and I slept with someone." Shay blurts it out quickly, like ripping off a band-aid, but her tone is cautious.

"Oh, okay," Gabby laughs lightly at her friend's demeanor over something rather minor, assuming she decided to go out anyway after they talked to each other last. "Really bad? Or did you not remember when you woke up?" She asks.

"No, I remember. And it _wasn't_ bad." Shay explains, but looks like maybe that's more part of the problem than the answer.

"I don't understand what the problem is then. It happens sometimes; you were rebounding." Gabby is confused.

Shay closes her eyes and takes a breath before responding. "I slept with Kelly."

"Kelly…" Gabby trails off, racking her brain for a Kelly she knows, but then the pieces begin to fall into place. "Severide? _Male,_ Kelly Severide?" She whispers, eyes getting wide.

Shay nods, again looking around to confirm their continued privacy.

"Wait, so, slept like sleep or…" Gabby's speaking quickly and she's talking with her hands, a sure sign of her shock, but she wants to make sure she's getting her facts straight.

"Like sex, Dawson." Shay interrupts impatiently. Gabby nods quietly for a moment, not quite knowing what to say.

"Well… how was he?" She finally smiles.

"Dawson!" Shay exclaims. "I'm having a crisis here."

"Oh, come on, there's no one else I could ask. You said it wasn't bad?" Gabby prods, because really, who hadn't wondered how Severide really was in bed?

"No, it wasn't." She admits, a crooked little half smile pulling at her lips, talking to Gabby loosening the tension that had been a cloud over her the last 24 hours. "I mean, it was, well I was very drunk, so maybe it was the alcohol, but it was definitely _not_ bad." She tries to joke in an attempt to diffuse her confused feelings.

"You, skank!" Gabby's mouth drops open in a gasp. "I should've figured, if anyone was going to get you to switch teams…" She shakes her head in baffled amusement. Was that pool on them still going? She wondered how difficult it would be to change her bet.

"What? No! It's not like that, I mean, I'm still gay. I just don't know what to do now, you know? Things are weird with Kelly and I don't think either of us knows how to handle it." Shay explains, getting to the root of her dilemma.

"Okay, okay. Well, I mean, did you guys talk about this? What did Severide say?" Gabby asks.

"Yeah, sort of. When we woke up yesterday morning it was strange, I guess. We just agreed that we were wasted and that we should just forget it happened and go back to normal. Right?" Shay tells her, though the end comes out as a question.

"Um, yeah, if that's how you guys feel, I mean." Gabby tries to assure her, but she's apprehensive of what this change really means for her friends, knowing how close they are.

"What?" Shay picks up on Gabby's tone, knowing there's something else she wants to say.

"Nothing," Gabby sighs. "It's just, you and Severide are really close and it might be hard to pretend this never happened is all." She admits.

"I know," Shay nods her head dejectedly, "but we have to move on from it, right? The last thing I want to do is strain our friendship this way after everything else we've been through." She says, though she's afraid things have already changed irrevocably.

Gabby nods in acquiescence, but tells herself she'll be paying close attention to the roommates.

"I just needed to talk to someone about it, wanted your opinion…" Shay shrugs.

"Of course. And I would expect to be the first to know!" Dawson laughs, tapping Shay's elbow in an attempt to lighten the mood.

"Yeah." She laughs lightly.

"Really, though, I'm here for whatever you need." She says, more seriously this time. "I think you guys are such great friends, and it would be a shame to let this get in the way of that, so don't. Decide what you want and make it happen. Maybe you need some time, whatever, but be open about it, and I'm sure it'll work itself out." Gabby continues, hoping to ease her friend's mind.

"Thanks." Shay smiles. "Ugh, what would I do without you?" She shakes her head.

"Oh, you'd be in a constant state of confusion and sadness, I'm sure." Gabby smiles, nodding emphatically. It has the desired effect and they both dissolve into laughter.

That's the scene that greets Severide when he walks through on his way to the kitchen: the two of them leaning against the back of the ambulance in the breaks of laughter. He has a split second where his mind flashes back to Shay laughing right before he kisses her and shakes his head to clear it. He really hopes they aren't talking about him. That would be just great for his ego.

He has to figure she's told Dawson by now, though. Which is fine, he tells himself. Not a big deal, just girl talk, just like normal. Right. So why then, could he not sleep last night except to dream about her? Dreams that were entirely too friendly and not at all platonic.

He was losing his mind. He was not supposed to think of his best friend this way. Damn alcohol, he thinks, this had never been a problem before. They'd been just fine before, when he could put her firmly in the friend category. Off limits. Not interested. They were good there.

Except now he's seen her naked and he's kissed her and he's thinking things he hadn't since they first met.

And he has to get over it. He will get over it, he assures himself. Things are a little weird right now, but they just need some time to settle out. This will not ruin the best relationship he's ever had with one of the most important people in his life.

He keeps telling himself that as he tries to lose himself in Cruz and Otis' bickering.

**Please review and let me know what you think! Thanks! **


	6. Chapter 6

Perspective

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognize. **

Chapter 6

"Okay, we need to talk. I can't take it anymore." Shay finally blurts out a couple of weeks later when they're sitting in the kitchen of their apartment before shift. She sits her yogurt aside and her voice is exasperated, echoing in the utter silence that's stretched between them since their morning after.

"What?" Severide asks carefully, glancing up from his coffee as if he isn't quite sure what she's going to do next.

"This!" She exclaims. "We said it wouldn't be weird, but it is. And now we're not even talking outside of work." She finishes tiredly. It's different than when they were fighting, she thinks, there's too much distance between them now. She misses him in a way she never has before.

"Come on, we talk." He replies, attempting to smooth things over even though he knows just as well as she does that normal is the opposite of what things are at the moment.

"'Hi, bye, and excuse me' as we pass in the hallway don't count, Kelly." Shay counters.

"I thought we said we weren't going to talk about it?" He retorts defensively.

"I didn't think that meant we weren't going to talk at all." She tells him.

"What do you want me to say, Shay?" Severide sighs. This was the last thing he wanted.

"I, I don't know." She breathes quietly. "I just don't want it to be like this." She explains.

"Well, neither do I." He rushes out a little desperately. "You're my best friend."

Shay nods, resting heavily against the back of her chair and stretching her arms out on the table in front of her.

"I don't want to lose you, Kelly." She murmurs, focusing on her hands rather than looking directly at him.

"No, no, okay? That's not gonna happen. We're just going through a thing right now, that's all." He's quick to reassure the both of them and tries to catch her eyes again, because he thinks the only thing that could be worse than this would be their friendship ending completely.

"So, what do we do?" Shay sighs, finally looking back up at him.

"I don't know," he admits. "We just, find a way to get past it. It's not like the world's going to end just because we slept together." He jokes, trying to lighten the mood with a crooked grin.

Shay lets out a quiet little laugh, lips quirking up in a smile he hasn't seen in days.

"Doesn't look like it, anyway." She smirks and he laughs with her.

"It doesn't seem like this whole 'pretending it never happened' thing is working, either." She continues after a moment.

"I guess not." He agrees. "You know what, there's no reason for this to be weird. We've both slept with people we were friends with before; this doesn't have to be any different than that." He shrugs and hopes he's convincing her more than he is himself.

"Yeah," Shay nods, more quietly than would be believable. "Maybe we're making it worse than it needs to be. We're adults, we can admit it happened, and just focus on moving on." She reasons.

"Okay, yeah. We don't have to try and go back to normal like nothing happened, we can just give ourselves some time. We're friends, that hasn't changed, so let's just be." Severide says.

"Agreed." Shay takes a deep breath. "So, no pressure, we'll just ease into things." She resolves to try and take Gabby's earlier advice and not try so hard to make things go back to the way they were before. She and Kelly are friends above all else and they could be friends without worrying over something they couldn't go back and change. She had to believe things would slowly fall back into place.

"Good. I just want us to be okay, you know?" Severide admits, hoping that this new philosophy would take away some of the stress they had been under recently. They couldn't start over. They were too close and they had too much history, but their history was what made them who they were and at the heart of it, who they were was friends. So that's what they would be.

"We're okay." She assures him.

"Okay." He nods, smiling at her lightly.

"Okay." She nods definitively and tries to ignore the melancholy undertone still present in the conversation.

There's no reason for it after all, she tells herself. They would need time to get used to this new piece in the history of their relationship. It was just the way things were now. At least this way they could be around each other without worrying about what they shouldn't be thinking about.

"What's okay?" Otis startles them both out of the little bubble they'd been in during their conversation as he makes his way into the kitchen.

"Nothing." They both mutter quickly, turning to look away from each other and at him in a way that's meant to be subtle but decidedly isn't.

"Okay…" Otis draws the word out, raising a confused eyebrow. Right. He would never understand the intricacies of those two, Otis thinks to himself.

"Yep." Shay smiles at Otis as Severide turns his attention back to the paper he'd been looking at before her interruption earlier.

"Anyway," Otis continues. "So, you know how I've been looking for other places to live, no offence to you guys, but I need my own space; and I think I found a place. I'm going to take it." He announces, feeling a bit bad about fighting to move in and then changing his mind.

"That's great, Otis." Shay responds, going back her previously abandoned yogurt.

"Yeah, man," Severide nods, trying to sound interested and glancing at him briefly. "Congrats on the new place."

"Thanks." Otis pauses. "You guys sure you're good with me bailing out on you like this?" He asks.

"Yeah, no big deal." Severide replies, both he and Shay nodding.

"Great. I'll, uh, see you later then." Otis says, making his way out of the apartment.

Shay looks sideways at Kelly after the door has closed behind their roommate. She had told herself she was going to focus on their friendship and that meant no more biting her tongue and reconsidering what she was going to say to him. And if they had never slept together, she would totally be teasing him about Katie and Otis' growing relationship.

"Ten bucks says Katie's back in Chicago and moving in with him within the next year." She muses, watching Severide freeze except for his eyes darting toward her. It has always amused her endlessly the way he reacts to any explicit mention of Otis and his little sister dating.

"What?" He asks, voice going up an octave. "Chicago, maybe, but _living_ with _Otis_?" Kelly half laughs. Sure, he was ecstatic that Katie was seriously thinking of coming back to Chicago, but living with Otis? He liked the guy, but cohabitation seemed a million years away.

"I don't know, Kel, he seemed pretty anxious for this new place and you don't hear the stars in Katie's eyes when we talk on the phone." She continues, picking at him, but entirely serious nonetheless.

"How often are you talking to my sister?" He asks. He knew they'd gotten to be friends since Katie had moved and communicated pretty regularly, which was nice, but exactly what all were they talking about…

"I give it a year, Severide." Shay grins, standing and beginning to head for the stairs to gather her things for work.

"Wait, what makes you…" He rises quickly and follows after her.

And in that moment, at least for a little while, things _are_ okay. More okay than they have been in weeks and they aren't thinking about things they think they shouldn't or over analyzing every move they make in each other's presence. They're just, being.

It's a work in progress, but they're moving forward now instead of standing still. Even if they don't exactly know it yet.

**So, progress… at least a little. It's a step forward in the Perspective universe, though, and soon we'll see just how things are when they aren't trying to ignore each other. **

**Thanks so much for the support! Please review! **


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